Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
