from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
