and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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