I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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