On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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