OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
