"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
