so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
