Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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