I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
