The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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