He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
