New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm passing your future prison.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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