Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
