Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You're like the curious george of whores
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
