i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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