wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
its not stalking. its research.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
