Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
