I faked an abortion last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
