woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
