Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
