Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
