it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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