My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
