Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
