I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
