I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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