this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
