I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
