did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
