Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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