Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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