Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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