Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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