3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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