You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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