her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
