I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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