Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
