my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
