she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
