I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
