I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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