her vagine was all disorganized.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
