I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
