All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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