____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
