Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
