you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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