We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They took my balls.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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