I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
