so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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