On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
