Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
