i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's official drugs can't kill me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
