I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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