Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
