I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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